i looked at you like the stars that shined
by starksands
Summary: "She wasn't quite turned toward him, but the look on her face told him that his answer had been the exact right thing to say. Alex sat up a little taller and tried not to grin too brightly on the drive to her place, despite not being a hundred percent certain what had just happened." Mildly AU, inspired by the novel There Will Come a Time. EA Universe, Emma x Alex.


**A/N:** I had intended to write this for THFAU or IHTYCMCIAF (oh man, that's a mouthful), but it didn't seem to fit into either of them. So a stand alone fic seemed like the next best thing!

This fic was inspired by (and is loosely based on the events in) the book _There Will Come a Time_ by Carrie Arcos, which I just recently read and couldn't help seeing the parallels between Mark x Hanna and Emma x Alex. I tried to stay true to both the book and the characters as we know them in the webseries but they are two very different beasts so I apologize if anything seems off with this. Anyway, I really hope this is a good read, I simply couldn't get the idea out of my head so I had to type it up and share it.

The following is based in the EA universe and, as always, does not follow the events taking place in the novel, Emma.

* * *

Alex never understood the attraction to romance fiction. He's always provided Emma with a long list of reasons for this. However, one of the main contradictions he has to the whole idea is the belief that they show the complete story. They don't. Instead, they show small pockets of moments, ignoring all the little things that are irrelevant, as do all stories. No story could truly capture the reality of a situation, particularly romantic ones.

But damn, if they didn't try.

* * *

It was the day before he was returning to school when she called him over to her house.

Ignoring the late hour and the overall vagueness of her request, Alex walked through the door to her backyard. It screeched on its hinges but he ignored this, knowing it was unlikely anyone would notice.

He found Emma seated on the garden bench at the far end of the backyard. Alex wrapped his jacket more closely around himself before jogging over to her.

"Hi," he offered, yawning slightly. He had been up to all hours of the night trying to finish the last of his packing since he'd been putting it off for a while. At least he had an excuse for being up late, he couldn't quite figure out what hers was, and asked her as much.

Emma was stoic in her responses, as she always was, but he eventually dragged it out of her. She was sitting in the dark on the bench in her backyard because she wasn't ready for the upcoming year.

"Glad you were this distraught when I left for school," Alex half-joked, knowing full well that Emma had experienced her own share of sadness when that had happened. She pushes his shoulder and tells him to shut up, before yawning a bit herself.

"It's different this time," she continued, after a short pause. "Now you'll all be gone, and I'll be here," Emma said, lifting her hands and gesturing to their two respective houses, but meaning so much more than that. Alex knew that by _all_ she was referring to the fact that now Izzy was leaving, while he and John had already been gone for a few years. Now it would just be Emma left on this long, winding street, with its large houses and immaculate lawns, not to mention their parents.

He hadn't known that it had bothered her this much. But it clearly did given that, despite her strong demeanour, he hadn't seen her this sad in a while. She wasn't crying, Emma wasn't the type, but there was something there that assured him of her feelings, even if she wouldn't say it aloud.

"You know we'll be back, right?" Alex asked, sliding across the bench and closer to his friend. She responded by snorting, turning to him to be sure he saw her roll her eyes.

"Maybe _you_ will, I barely see Izzy now as it is," Emma confided, for perhaps the first time. They'd both known that things were becoming different, their siblings spent far too much time together, and away from the rest of them, to not notice things shifting. But Alex didn't fully realize what that would mean for the rest of them if their siblings really left for good. Not that that meant they'd move halfway across the world and no one would ever see them again, but things would be different, and they'd see each other less and less. As always, Emma had been more perceptive than him about this and it was only now finally catching up to him.

"Hey," he said, comfortingly, and then he reached forward and cupped her cheek in his hand. He had never done anything like it before and the situation didn't really feel like it called for it. But once he'd done it, he couldn't pull back so he left it there, letting her face relax against his palm after a brief spout of surprise.

When she relaxed, Emma looked up to catch his eye. And he realized that he really wanted to kiss her, which had also never happened to him before. Alex knew she wanted to kiss him too because she closed her eyes and leaned forward and he imagined what it would be like to kiss his best friend on a bench at two o'clock in the morning. But that thought made him think just a little too much, mostly about the fact that he had known the girl across from him his entire life. This wasn't like kissing someone at a frat party or even his old high school girlfriend. With them, he'd known what he'd wanted to get out of the moment, out of the relationship. With Emma, Alex wasn't sure what he wanted, and he wasn't willing to lose what they had for the chance to explore it.

But there was something more about it than that. Something that made him feel like the moment wasn't worthy of the kiss or something along those lines. Alex knew and believed that Emma deserved to be kissed by someone who was ready for that and who could be whatever she wanted or needed. He wasn't quite certain of his feelings for her yet and there were so many unanswered questions – too many and they left him feeling like this wasn't the right moment, he wasn't the right person.

So instead, he pretended that he was simply going in for a hug. (It was nearly as embarrassing as it sounds). But she leaned into him anyway and his arms felt at home wrapped around her.

They stayed up all night talking about her junior year and what program she was planning to apply for this time next year. Emma talked to him about the dates she would visit him, so long as her father allowed it, and when he would return from school for holidays. It was stuff they already knew but it was mixed in with other things, small things, that they had never discussed before. Alex talked about John's new apartment that might be suspiciously large for a single person. Emma mentioned Izzy's ridiculous idea of sending her hand written letters to 'keep the craft' alive, as she had said. It was silly, trivial things that wouldn't change anything about anything but somehow it was enough to fill up a whole night's worth of time.

A few hours after the sunrise, Alex sneaked back next door to have breakfast before their long car ride back to school. But before he left, he reminded Emma that he'd always come back. She smiled a small smile but rolled her eyes, muttering something about her already knowing that, then slipped back into her own house before her father found out she'd spent an entire night outside in the cold.

Alex didn't really allow himself much time to truly dissect the situation, but he knew that things between him and Emma had changed. Subtly, and without negative ramifications just yet, but they were different none the less.

* * *

Annie and Ryan had slipped out of the honeymoon phase and into the married-but-without-children-(yet) phase more quickly than anyone would have expected. So Emma had been happy to receive an invite to a movie night at their place, as she had missed her friend more than she realized. And naturally, she dragged Alex along.

"And what if I had plans," he asked, as the pair of them exit his car on the night in question.

"You wouldn't have had plans," Emma replied, looking through her purse for whatever small gift she had picked up for the couple for the night ahead. She had a thing for giving gifts on nights like this, events that didn't actually call for any sort of presents. Regardless of his own views on this, he had still picked up the bottle of wine she'd suggested.

"Most people still ask," he continued warmly to the back of her head as she beat him to the front door in order to knock.

"When will you learn that I'm not 'most people', Alex?" she asked with a quick shrug and a mischievous smile. He smiled back, just enough, and waited for the door to be answered.

Neither Alex nor Emma had a say in the movie that night as Ryan had already picked from the large stack of DVDs and seemed bound and determined to watch what he wanted. Annie had given them both an apologetic face while mouthing the words 'Just go with it', to which they both silently laughed.

Ryan practically jumped into his large recliner while Annie, Emma, and Alex settled together on the couch. Being the homemaker that she was, Annie had laid out the coffee table with the perfect assortment of Emma approved snacks, though Alex found a couple of bowls of things he'd also eat, for which he was very thankful. Unlike movie nights just between the pair of them, Alex didn't have to worry so much about satisfying both of them or choking back some of Emma's terrible vegan goodies.

The chosen movie that night was _Point Break_, which, to be honest, Alex hadn't even heard of before that night. Within the first twenty minutes, Alex knew he didn't regret never seeing or hearing of the movie. It takes him even less time to realize that the couch they're occupying is more of a love seat than a three-seater, which meant that he was sitting almost uncomfortably close to his best friend. Emma didn't seem to notice, or at least gave no indication of it, and simply kept her hands poised on her bare knees, with every motion of her arms causing them to brush against his. Alex sneaked a look at the other people in the room but nobody seemed to notice so he tried his best to relax, even when she gripped his knee during a particularly 'thrilling' scene.

By the end of it, Alex still wasn't sure what Ryan saw in the movie but the four of them had all been sufficiently engaged, so there must be something worthwhile about it. He admitted that it had its share of interesting scenes and cool stunts, but he was also all too happy to offer his criticisms. Annie laughed like she knew he was revving up to counter Ryan's points as she took a few empty bowls to the kitchen. Emma readjusted on the couch to face him, making a similar face to Annie's, with a soft smile that he had been beginning to wonder might mean a bit more than it used to.

"You have to admit, the skydiving bit was a bit far-fetched," Alex started with, not quite sure where he was going, but knowing he at least wanted to get that point across.

"How?" Ryan asked, incredulously, but still grinning.

"Well, he's only done it once before and suddenly he's an expert?" Ryan shrugged. "Besides, he only met this women two weeks ago or so? Would he really be willing to jump out of a plane for her?"

Ryan scoffed, before leaning back in his chair. "They have a _connection_, that's the whole point," he turned to Emma, as though looking for back-up. The two of them had a bit of a discussion on it but Alex tuned it out to look something up on his phone.

"Here we are," he said, a touch smugly. "According to this, you couldn't actually freefall for such a long period of time as it is in the film. Not to mention that they couldn't talk over the wind."

Emma rolled her eyes, "The whole point of movie magic is to _suspend your disbelief_, not," she said as she snatched his phone, "to confirm every little point on your smartphone." Alex narrowed his eyes at her but doesn't even try to get his phone back. He knew it was pretty pointless when it came to Emma, and she had already unlocked it and was likely looking through his text messages.

Annie returned then, adding her own points to the argument, mostly agreeing with Alex. This earned her a heartfelt high five from Alex and a shake of the head from her husband. He mentioned something about both of them needing to live a little before putting in the next movie, some sci-fi film Annie had chosen. It certainly caught more of Alex's attention than the last one. That is, until Emma started getting tired and leaned into his shoulder. They were sitting too closely for him to really do anything other than sit there but she kept pushing herself back up like she was falling asleep by accident so he guessed this was the right call.

When Ryan dozed off during the end credits, Emma and Alex helped Annie clear up the table in front of them before heading out themselves. She thanked them both for dropping by with an honest smile on her lips, and Emma actually spoke for both herself and Alex by saying that they would enjoy doing it again, whenever.

On the drive home, Emma was a bit more alert, as though worried he might forget where she lived or something. About halfway between her condo and the Westons, Emma turned to him from her shotgun position.

"So you really don't think that guy would have jumped out of a plane to save that woman's life?" she pestered, drawing him back further in the night than he expected. Alex wasn't sure where the question came from or where Emma was hoping to go with it, so he responded honestly.

"You ask that as if you don't already know my answer," he replied, smartly, and Emma sighed rather louder than necessary in his small car. She stretched her hands out in front of her, staring at them rather than his face when she spoke again.

"You certainly are boring, Mr. Knightley. Did you miss the part where he was _in love with her_?" she said, as if jumping to one's death out of love made all the difference in the world to the end result.

"That wasn't love," he started, realizing too late who he was talking to – the self-proclaimed expert on the subject. But he continued none the less, adjusting himself in his seat and staring straight ahead. "Real love takes time, it's built up over years of being together, of knowing each other as well as you know yourself. It can't simply be manufactured in a few hours."

And to that, Emma was uncharacteristically silent. At the next red light, mere seconds later, Alex stole a quick look at the women in his passenger seat. She wasn't quite turned toward him, but the look on her face told him that his answer had been the exact right thing to say. Alex sat up a little taller and tried not to grin too brightly on the drive to her place, despite not being a hundred percent certain what had just happened.

* * *

He was giving her a ride home from work one evening, when it hit him. It felt almost like he had been waiting all his life for a sign and he had only just then realized that he didn't need one. So when he parked the car smoothly into her driveway, Alex turned to Emma and asked if she wanted to take a walk with him. She looked up from her phone to raise an eyebrow at him, and he didn't blame her. The car ride had been more or less silent, but in a way that was very unlike any silence they'd ever been through. Even when they were most comfortable together, the pair of them were rarely silent, usually because Emma was never devoid of things to say. But the ride back that Wednesday afternoon in which nothing particularly spectacular happened, they had both been quiet, lost in their own thoughts and in the comfort of knowing that they didn't need to voice them just then. But regardless of her hesitancy, Emma ends up saying "Sure," and following him along the sidewalk in front of her condo.

As though suddenly finding her voice, Emma starts up a conversation. "Izzy said she's planning a vacation for just the two of us. Turns out my sister missed me as much as I missed her," she said this last bit with a smile and Alex found himself smiling with her.

"That'll be nice. I'm sure John will _love_ looking after two toddlers on his own," Alex joked and Emma laughed in response. The further they walked and the longer they talked, Alex found himself wondering how often the two of them found themselves in this position. They had known each other for so long and had been at each other's side for as long as he can remember; it just felt so natural.

And why shouldn't it? Alex had been choosing to ignore whatever was going on between them, whatever electricity there seemed to be in the air, for so long because he didn't want to lose this. He didn't want to lose this casualness, the friendship they had built over years and years. But the more time past, the more he realized he could lose it for any number of unrelated reasons.

He thought back to the fight they had over James Elton and Harriet, or the whole Frank Churchill situation, or even his trip to New York that seemed to keep them apart longer than they'd ever been before. At all of these points in their lives, things between them could have fallen apart, one of them could have been left by the wayside, the relationship they had could have been as easily forgotten as a childhood memory. But somehow, all the messiness of their lives had only brought them closer, it had only brought them to this moment faster, and Alex was beginning to realize that he didn't want to waste it. Or waste any more time.

They continued walking, turning at the corner that turned Emma's street into another. At the turn, Alex thought about how easy it would be to shift things, to do something that would mark the change from friendship to something else, like grabbing her hand in his. It would be as easy as turning that corner, the one that led them closer to the street they had grown up on. But he didn't reach for it because a part of him wondered whether or not that was his decision to make, even though he was just as implicated in it as his friend.

Luckily, as though reading his thoughts, Emma saved him the headache by casually grabbing his hand in hers. She looked up at him with a concerned look, her eyebrows draw together, and he realized he hadn't said anything in a long while, too wrapped up in his own head.

"You okay?" she asked, squeezing his fingers that were caught in hers. Alex nodded in response and Emma turned back to look ahead of her. He felt her hand slipping from his, which would end the casual hold she had on his finger. But instead, he threw a bit of caution to the wind and slipped his fingers through hers, filling the gaps between them and feeling the gentle pressure of her hand really falling into his own. Emma just kept walking, as though this was all rudimentary, like they held hands all the time and it was nothing to make a big deal out of. This, in turn, made Alex relax, if only slightly.

"I didn't mean to leave the way I did," he started, referring to the week he spent in New York after a not-so-rudimentary spat between the pair of them. He still wasn't sure why he did it, why he thought separating them with physical distance would make her any less present in his life.

"You seemed pretty confident in your actions," Emma countered, shrugging her shoulders. This trip had been different than all the others. Usually, Emma pestered him the whole time he was away, leaving him text messages, calling him, emailing him, tweeting him annoying quotes about the importance of friendship (she always had a thing for guilt-tripping). But this time, there'd been nothing. Not a single word from her reached him and that shook him to his core, leaving him feeling hollow. It was only when he got back and really saw her that he knew all the words she wanted to say but didn't, because for a split second they were written all across her face.

Alex realized then that Emma wasn't the kind of thing that _happened_ to him. She was something he would always carry around with him wherever he went. He couldn't let go of her if he tried.

"Yeah, well, my confidence is usually there to hide something else," he finally got out, stopping them in the middle of the sidewalk, glad no one else was around in case things didn't go in his favour. Emma stopped too, turning to face him as her thumb worked up and down his on their intertwined hands.

There was a bit of silence for a minute where they just looked at each other, like they could get across everything they couldn't find the words for if they just looked hard enough. And for some reason, maybe as a testament to how long they've known each other, they were able to do just that and seemed to reach the same conclusion. For the first time in far too long, they both felt like they were back on the same page again.

Emma sighed, "We are the _worst_ kind of cliché. We grew up together and now we're…" She squeezed his hand again and looked up to meet his eyes. "Now we're this."

Alex smiled and moved forward to lean his forehead against hers. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"You hate clichés," she said, just above a whisper.

"Yeah," he nodded slightly against her forehead and then said, "But I love you."

And then Emma dropped his hand in order to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him. He caught her hips in his hands and dipped his head to prevent her from straining. But it wasn't enough and soon he was bending his knees and wrapping his hands behind her back to bring her closer to him. She didn't seem satisfied either so she tightened the grip she already had and tried to close any space between them. He smiled against her lips as they both continued pressing more and more, intoxicated by the sounds they were both making. It was only a bit later that they realized that this might not be the best place for this and broke apart somewhat awkwardly. But they were both smiling the whole way back, Alex's arm wrapped around Emma's shoulders, as they walked at the same pace back to her condo.

* * *

Alex still hates romance fiction. He'll never be drawn to it the way his girlfriend is, no matter how many times she complains about this. But he understands now that there's something about telling stories that makes you want to focus on the good stuff, the important stuff.

For him, even if he told every second of his relationship with Emma, it still wouldn't be enough. It couldn't compare to actually living through it, to being there through everything, the happiness and the tears. But Emma would say that you still have to try, Alex, you still have to offer something when people inevitably ask the question of how did this all happen?

So that's what he does, he tries. He's never quite sure where to begin because, well, he's not certain there was ever a moment when he wasn't already in love with her. So he starts with the first time he ever wanted to kiss her because it's a beginning neither he nor Emma have ever forgotten. He isn't sure what makes him pick the moments he does, his own little pockets in time, but somehow they're enough to tell something coherent. And maybe that's all anyone is ever trying to do, tell enough of the story to satisfy, while keeping enough to themselves to have something to hold onto.

* * *

**A/N:** So I feel it's necessary to say I've never seen the film _Point Break_ and all references are solely based on what is provided in the book so I'm sorry if I got anything about that wrong. Anyway, I'll try to update something before the end of the hiatus! Thanks for reading haha


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